


i will keep you (protected)

by thisissirius



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ben Mitchell Is Deaf, Ben Mitchell Loves Callum "Halfway" Highway, Ben Mitchell Wants To Be Loved, Consensual Kink, Deaf Character, Height Differences, Height Kink, M/M, Protective Callum "Halfway" Highway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:29:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28111686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: Ben’s doing dinner.This late in hisgay journey, he shouldn’t be having any life changing epiphanies or opening up doors he's certain had all been flung open years ago.Until Callum presses up behind him to reach for something—Ben can’t even remember what they keep in that cupboard—and Callum’s hand is on his shoulder, oh so close to his neck.Well. That’s new. And interesting.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 76





	i will keep you (protected)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [finkpishnets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/finkpishnets/gifts).



> for bobbie. who deserves the world <3
> 
> love you :))))

Ben’s doing dinner.

This late in his _gay journey,_ he shouldn’t be having any life changing epiphanies or opening up doors he’s certain had all been flung open years ago. 

Until Callum presses up behind him to reach for something—Ben can’t even remember what they keep in that cupboard—and Callum’s hand is on his shoulder, oh so close to his neck. 

Well. That’s new. And interesting. 

  
  
  


The height difference has always been something. 

Ben usually finds himself irritated with being looked down on, or mocked about his height, even if he’s not _that_ short, thanks. Callum’s just—tall. Handsome, funny, and tall. Trifecta. Maybe quadfecta (is that a word?) because Callum’s also his. Ben’s. All fucking Ben’s.

At least, if he was cooperating, he’d be fucking Ben. 

“I’ve gotta get to work,” Callum says, laughing into the kiss. 

Ben’s hands slide up under Callum’s shirt as he nips at Callum’s bottom lip. “So? We’ve all been late, ain’t we?”

Callum doesn’t say anything for another kiss, a grunt as Ben’s fingers slip beneath the waistband of his trousers. “Fuck, Ben, _no_.”

Ben pouts, but pulls back, a hand on Callum’s neck. “Such a good boy.”

Snorting, Callum backs Ben up until Ben’s back hits the wall. They’ve been here before, always with Ben’s back to something, but Ben’s only just realising now that he likes it. 

Really fucking likes it. 

Callum’s watching him, lips quirked into a smirk. He knows. 

“What?” Ben says, raising his eyebrows, testing. “What’s that smirk for?”

“You know,” Callums says, his voice dropping an octave. He leans in, nose to Ben’s cheek, lips still curved into that smile. “Like you like this.”

So does Ben, not that he’s going to say as much. “Haven’t you gotta be somewhere?”

Callum makes an affirmative noise, kisses Ben quickly, then again. “I’ll see you later.”

“Promises,” Ben says, offering his own smirk. 

  
  
  


Ben doesn’t have a meltdown about it. 

Wanting to be crowded against something doesn’t make him— 

Well, it doesn’t make him anything except horny. 

  
  
  


“Is it just walls?” Callum’s kneeling between Ben’s legs, one hand on the back of Ben’s thigh. He leans down, kisses at Ben’s jaw, lips ghosting over Ben’s. “Or is it here as well?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, mate,” Ben says, because those defensive reflexes just won’t fucking leave. 

Callum doesn’t back down and that’s sexy in itself; he’s growing into himself, into his sexuality, and Ben’s so proud of him. “Don’t call me mate in bed,” Callum says, tugging Ben’s bottom lip between his teeth and holding on, eyes bright. He smiles with his whole face, sometimes. Ben loves him. 

“Maybe that’s my kink?” Ben’s not sure what makes him say the word and he tenses, wonders if that’s gonna cause another— 

Callum makes a face, but then he shrugs. “Doubtful. You’ve never done it before, so,” he nuzzles behind Ben’s ear, whispers right into his ear. Ben can’t hear what Callum’s saying, can’t _see_ him mouth the words, but he feels the puff of air, the vibrations; a shiver runs up his spine, hands on Callum’s shoulder and he digs his nails in, clings against the sensations. When Callum pulls back, he’s smirking. “See? That’s probably a kink, right?”

“Eh,” Ben says, but it comes out more breathless than he’d like. “Just ‘cause I can’t hear.”

“Doubt everyone shivers like that,” Callum says, cocky in a way that just makes Ben love him more. “Or like this.”

Ben frowns, goes to ask what Callum means, but then Callum’s elbows are either side of his head, body pressing Ben down into the mattress. He’s—everywhere. Fuck. Ben groans low in his throat, eyes slipping closed and his hips rolling up against Callum’s. Fuck, yeah, okay maybe this is a kink. “Fine.”

Callum’s smirking, Ben can _tell_ , but he kisses Ben anway. He shifts one elbow, fingers of his left hand in Ben’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. Ben opens his eyes and Callum is smirking, but there’s a softness to his expression that tightens Ben’s chest. “Just fine? I’m clearly doing something wrong.”

“You could be naked,” Ben offers. 

“I could,” Callum agrees. He leans in and Ben’s expecting a kiss, but Callum’s mouth grazes his jaw instead. Teeth nipping at the curve of his jaw, the length of his neck. Ben stretches, heel of his right leg against Callum’s calf, thrusting up and getting the friction he needs. 

“Callum,” Ben says.

Callum sucks lightly at the skin of Ben’s jaw again, teasing the skin between teeth and lips. 

“Don’t put a hickey on my jaw,” Ben says, fisting a hand in Callum’s hair. He doesn’t try and make him move, just closes his eyes against the sensations. When Callum hums, Ben lets out a quick breath. “Fuck me already, yeah?”

“Nah,” Callum says. “Maybe I want you to fuck me.”

It’s not like they have a preference; sometimes Ben likes to take it, sometimes he likes to pin Callum down and prove just how much he wants Callum, loves him. Not that he needs sex to prove he loves Callum, but it’s easier than saying it sometimes, is all. 

Ben doesn’t wanna say the words, “but I want this,” because as comfortable as he is, that’s still not easy.

Thankfully, Callum knows him. He’s always seen Ben, seen what lies beneath the bravado and the fake shit to the person Ben’s always so keen to bury. 

“Or,” Callum says eventually, fingers stroking through Ben’s hair, “I could fuck you.”

Ben opens his mouth, closes it. 

Something in Callum’s expression shifts, and there’s worry back in his gaze. “What?”

“Nothing,” Ben says, swallowing down whatever else he was gonna say. 

“No lying, remember?”

That fucking promise. Not that Ben resents it; he does wanna be a better person for Callum, even when it’s too hard. Ben shifts them until he’s straddling Callum, staring down into the face of the first person he’s really thought about _long term_ with. Paul is—was—important, but Callum. He’s _more_. Burying his face in Callum’s neck, he takes a deep breath, relaxes until Callum’s arms come around him, Callum’s face against the side of his head.

“S’just new is all.”

Maybe Callum hears what he doesn’t say because he just kisses Ben’s temple. He taps a finger against Ben’s shoulder and Ben pulls back to look. “It doesn’t have to be a thing.”

Ben knows Callum means it. 

Which just makes the whole thing worse. 

  
  
  


Ben doesn’t wanna dislike any part of himself, which is the definition of irony. ‘Cause somehow, he just can’t seem to stop. 

Desperate for his dad’s attention and love when it’s always so conditional. 

Wants to be good for Callum, but can’t stop doing everything but. 

Loves his daughter enough to be a good role model but doesn’t know how. 

An endless circle of fucking up until Ben’s not even sure he can be any of those things anymore. 

Now this; hates being cornered, crowded in, except when it’s Callum, he just wants to be fucked against whatever surface he’s backed on to.

It’s not something he can talk to anyone about. Lola is out of the question, his mum, no thanks. Jay’s probably the closest person, but the instant he says _kink_ , Jay’ll tell him to fuck off and change the subject. 

So. Inner turmoil it is. 

  
  
  


Except Ben’s really gotta stop underestimating Callum. 

It’s Lexi that says it;

Curled up against Ben’s chest when she’s sick, feet pressing against Callum’s thigh. Ben’s eye drift down Lexi’s pyjama-clad body to make sure she’s warm enough and sees Callum’s fingers circled against her ankle, rubbing softly. He’s saying something, Ben can see it out of the corner of his eye, and Lexi giggles, touches Ben’s cheek. 

“Daddy,” she says, and Ben’s heart still bursts when she half-Signs, half-talks in the way he’s accustomed to. “Hold me tighter.”

“Oh?” Ben says, making a face and wrapping her up tight, kissing her face over and over. She’s still giggling when he pulls away, burrowing in. “Is this tight enough?”

“Yeah,” Lexi says, head tilted back so Ben can see her. He’s so fucking lucky to have her as his kid. “Because Callum says you always gotta be held like this when you don’t feel safe.”

Ben’s heart kick starts in his chest and he doesn’t know what to say. His arms unconsciously tighten on Lexi, which seem to be what she wants, because she curls back up against him, kicking her legs into Callum’s lap. Ben watches Callum’s face as he drags a blanket off the arm of the sofa, drapes it over his legs—and Lexi’s. 

“That better, Princess?” Callum says. Inflection isn’t always easy to pick up, but Ben imagines he’s a touch cocky, way too fond. 

Lexi answers, vibrations against Ben’s chest, and he leans in, kisses the top of her head. 

When she’s out like a light, tucked up in bed, and Callum and Ben are back on the sofa, Ben twists a hand in Callum’s shirt, tugs him down. 

“What’s that for?” 

“You know what,” Ben grinds out. 

Callum shrugs. “Maybe. But it weren’t me you needed to hear it from.”

  
  
  


Course, Ben’s not gonna do something with Lexi in the house. 

Well. He might, but he doesn’t wanna fuck Callum then and there because the words _when you don’t feel safe_ are still bouncing around inside in his head. 

Ben’s always hot for Callum, and doesn’t make a big secret about it. Ben doesn’t find it easy to say _I love you_ or _I need you_ , or to be honest when Callum needs him to be. 

Callum doesn’t say anything else; he sits next to Ben, arm around his shoulders, occasionally pressing a kiss to Ben’s head, or his temple. Ben rests a hand on Callum’s stomach, brain now stuck on;

Being crowded against things apparently makes him horny. Or being crowded against things by _Callum_ apparently makes him horny. Being crowded against things makes him feel safe?

It doesn’t make any sense, thoughts circling around in his head until he gets mad about it. 

Only one way to test out this theory. 

  
  
  


“What the fuck,” Callum says, tilting Ben’s face into the light. 

Alright, so maybe testing out his theory didn’t yield the best aesthetic results, but at least Ben _knows_. 

Callum’s lip curls in anger, teeth grinding together until he bites out, “who did this?”

The anger is new; Ben’s used to worry and concern. They’re present, of course, but the anger’s new and not unwelcome. 

“It was a test,” Ben says, and blames this new honesty. 

It blows some of the steam out of Callum and he frowns. “Testing what?”

“This,” Ben says, and tugs Callum into the hall. “We’re alone, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Callum says slowly. “Everyone’s out, but Ben—”

Ben watches Callum think it through. He’s always liked how smart Callum is. Ben can see the moment he works out, pupils dilating, hands fisting in Ben’s jacket. 

“You let someone beat you up,” Callum bites out, pushing Ben towards the hall door. “Wanted to feel ‘em like this, yeah?”

Ben’s back hits wood, Callum’s shadow blocking most of the light from the front door glass. “Callum—”

“Did it feel the same?” Callum asks, one hand still on Ben’s hip, the other on the wall next to Ben’s head. Ben swallows. 

“No,” Ben grinds out. “You know it weren’t.”

Callum doesn’t say anything. His hips press against Ben’s pelvis, a steady pressure. He’s gotta feel Ben’s dick against his leg, half-hard and growing. 

Ben’s gonna have to use words, is what he gets from that. Closing his eyes, Ben lets himself have a moment. Callum seems willing to give it; fingers against Ben’s jaw, thumb resting against his chin. It’s a lot, even with what Ben’s slowly figuring out, but nothing Ben doesn’t want. “You make me feel safe.”

It’s all he can come up with, but Callum understands. Ben feels the puff of air against his cheek, opens his eyes to see Callum’s soft expression, the heat still in his eyes, and he ducks in, kisses Ben hard. 

Ben lets himself drown in the kiss, in the way Callum keeps pressing, until Callum’s every-fucking-where. 

Begging isn’t a Mitchell thing. 

Except—

“Please,” Ben says, fingers tight in Callum’s shirt, dragging him as close as they can get. 

Callum nods, right hand reaching down to unbuckle Ben’s belt. 

Ben rocks his head back, neck exposed to Callum’s teeth, and he circles his fingers around Callum’s wrist. “Upstairs.”

“Nah,” Callum says, when he pulls back. “Think I’ll take ya right here.”

It’s not that they always do it in the bedroom, but here, where anyone could walk in?

“I locked it,” Callum offers. “Unless someone’s got a key. Also,” he adds, hand dragging down the zipper of Ben’s fly. “It ain’t like we don’t almost get caught every time.”

Public places have a habit of being unsafe, Ben ponders, and wraps an arm around Callum’s neck. Callum doesn’t wait for the, “Yeah,” Ben puffs out, fingers tugging Ben’s briefs out of the way and wrapping warm around Ben’s cock. 

Ben grunts, turns his face into Callum’s neck. “Fuck, Cal.”

Words filter in, some louder than others, but most of it alternating between filthy and soft. Callum never finds the right balance, and always tips Ben into coming too fast, or squirming from the amount of _care_ Callum always wants to throw over him. Today, it feels like too much of both. 

Trapped against the door, Callum’s fingers relentless, words vibrating against his throat, it’s all Ben can do to stay standing. Balls tight, he thrusts into the circle of Callum’s hand, fingers bunching the fabric of Callum’s shirt so tight he wonders how it isn’t tearing.

“I’ve got ya,” Callum says, finally where Ben can see him. He leans in, lips against Ben’s. He doesn’t kiss so much as just stay there, breathing in Ben’s groans and harsh breaths. “I’ve always got ya.”

Callum’s said it before. They’re not new, those words. 

What’s new is the fact that Ben _knows_ he likes this because it’s Callum; he wants to be crowded, wants to get fucked, wants to feel safe, but only with Callum. 

“Cal,” he groans again, shuddering against the sensations. 

Callum mumbles something, kisses Ben long and deep, body thick against him, shadows draping Ben into a darkness that makes him think _no one to get me here_.

The orgasm catches him by surprise, has him shaking so hard he’s sure he’d be on his knees if Callum wasn’t hanging on to him.

“Alright?” Callum asks eventually, feather light kisses brushing against Ben’s hairline. 

“Ask me again in a minute,” Ben says, wondering what Callum sees in his expression to have him smile so brightly it almost hurts to look at. “Just let me stay here for a minute, alright?”

Callum nods, tugging Ben into a tight hug. 

Ben goes willingly, face turned into Callum’s neck. 

It ain’t always gonna be perfect, doesn’t mean the world’s suddenly brighter or anything but yeah.

The sex is definitely gonna be a lot hotter from now on.

Ben lets himself wonder if he’s finally found someone who’ll put him first all the time. 

Yeah, he thinks. Maybe. 


End file.
